tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-222625472011-08-21T12:29:13.241-05:00just another junkie dump… about a girl addicted. I’d like to record all of the thoughts, fears, and honesty about the changes in my head as I try to live my life as a recovering person.<br> A survivor.tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.comBlogger281100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-59216517820486334092011-06-28T00:09:00.000-05:002011-06-28T00:09:05.898-05:00

Thought I'd check to see if I'm still here for this year. :)

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-73960722168176721652010-02-06T23:56:00.000-06:002010-02-06T23:56:15.145-06:00

Sometimes I just get so tired reading other blogs (that I even like) to only hear the same stuff over and over... and I'm not foolish enough to not include myself in this list. It's as if I'm looking for those magical words, the wondrous plan that someone has come up with that will solve all of my problems if I follow their directions precisely? Because it didn't come from me. From inside of ME.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-7213224886607744642010-01-09T09:14:00.000-06:002010-01-09T09:14:31.903-06:00

No, it's not really because of the new year, just a coincidence. Since I'm off of all "illicit" drugs (at least that aren't mine to take - ANY for that matter), and the ED was getting a bit too controlling, I've been taking more control of my own being. Eating better. Exercise *gasp* and I even took myself off of the Paxil I've been on for-EVer. 15 yrs? Was it even doing anything any longer?

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-19491844532450519932009-12-24T00:44:00.001-06:002009-12-24T00:44:59.487-06:00

I've been debating whether to "come out" and be the real me... well, I am NOW being the *real me* but I am playing a different name (to protect the shitty parts of me). I have so many things that could very well be helpful for others... things that have happened that have influenced big parts of me... Oh, I've definitely shared 100% if me so far, but the question is, if the *real (name) me* -

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-19259300581840888432009-12-22T11:26:00.000-06:002009-12-22T11:26:25.883-06:00

Ya, I know, scrooge and all that. But I have so much to do yet and I.D.O.N.T.F.E.E.L.L.I.K.E.I.T! It's so hard to do anything when I feel like crap, ya know? But I must and that's that.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-62550918646696215502009-12-21T21:56:00.002-06:002009-12-21T22:03:39.690-06:00

I find myself struggling with words but no one to talk to about them. I used to have some meaningful conversations in past renditions of this blog (or one blog or another).As is typical, I was going to create a new blog... but that would be silly, not to mention that is primarily just another way to procrastinate and would prolong the actual talking that I need to share.I decided to steer this

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-43861026754008077302009-11-01T19:04:00.002-06:002009-11-01T19:09:13.579-06:00

Thought I'd peek in here to see if I'm still who I think I am. (?)I think that when I stop writing with any regularity, it's difficult for me to get back into it again, ya know? But I see that the people that I usually visit, are indeed still there. So that's cool.*waving bubbye* for now. xo

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-71569586938133530092009-03-14T16:28:00.001-05:002009-03-14T16:30:34.958-05:00

Can you write anything when you're listening to a song that you normally would sing along with?I can't... think I'll just listen to music. ha.I'm fine - take care.:)

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-42576354312702013912009-02-16T11:33:00.002-06:002009-02-16T11:37:00.065-06:00

So often I want to write in here 'cos I don't have anyone to talk to about the stuff I'm going through... then time passes and I don't. Such a merry-go-round... ugh.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-61052549350940122542009-01-24T09:02:00.002-06:002009-01-24T09:07:51.406-06:00

Quick note to self before we go out;Remember how I feel right this second. My jeans are so tight I can hardly breath. Bent over to put boots on and I got short of breath. What the fuck.I haven't put my sweat shirt on yet 'cos I'm too hot at the moment. When I do I hope the freakin' roll of fat doesn't show through.I am miserable. And I want to remember this. I want to remember this when I want a

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-40776172149293108232009-01-15T00:13:00.005-06:002009-01-15T00:31:42.222-06:00

It's getting worse. My eating is random and out of control. It's like I'm just watching myself with no say in the matter. Almost a continuous process, eating. I don't have much in the house, thank goodness. Most of it is healthy stuff... and now the bread is gone once again, thank goodness!. But I'm just grabbing and eating, and most of it is all carbs! It's a vicious cycle, I know that.Yes, I'm

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-85225217539837296952009-01-09T14:14:00.002-06:002009-01-09T14:23:27.360-06:00

Why does it always have to be something. Why do I feel the need to *use* something as an escape (?) tool.I'm not consciously saying to myself, "Ok, take away the eating so I must have something else..." I know that this is happening, it's very obvious to me.I am not smoking, and it's actually going pretty well - it's been 6 whole days! woo! Amazing. BUT (yes, there's a but), it's really screwing

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-79912748441639096522009-01-05T00:46:00.002-06:002009-01-05T00:48:43.227-06:00

24 hrs tobacco free. damn but it's hard. Actually, not as difficult as I thought (since the last time(s) I tried. I can do it!!!yay.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-28795776166517979982009-01-01T15:08:00.002-06:002009-01-01T15:25:56.267-06:00

Yup, it's kinda corny... but beginning a new year with a new resolution is empowering to me. So what if it's a cliche about "New Year's Resolutions" - but hey, whatever works. It's the consistancy and the dedication to changing that's important.So ya. Exercise. Wow, it's been awhile. I've been procrastinating with one thing or another for weeks! "Have to make my 'inspiration board' - have to load

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-24300058440335124672008-12-27T21:43:00.002-06:002008-12-27T21:48:41.930-06:00

Just messing around a bit tonite... feeling a little generic.I did get a lot accomplished today. Cleaned my office, made a couple of new playlists for my iPod (so I can exercise, but of course!), and generally enjoyed myself by checking these tasks off of my to-do list.Hope you all had a satisfying & delightful Christmas!that's all folks - just wanted to say hey.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-16836714996187230132008-12-27T07:17:00.001-06:002008-12-27T07:19:12.844-06:00

When you don't feel like doing what you know you must, that's the best time to go ahead and do it anyway. That's when you can break through your old habit patterns to a new level of focus, performance and achievement. [continue reading Motivation]

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-564806245787797102008-12-21T20:01:00.005-06:002008-12-27T21:18:54.208-06:00

So I didn't do so well today. s'ok, tomorrow's a new day.It's like once I put food in my mouth it triggers something in my brain and I am not in a logical state of mind. Like I'm not me. I'm the food monster... "must eat food now. me must eat!" And then I do and I pay no attention to my goals & wishes for myself.Granted, it's not UNhealthy food... in fact, where did I just read a discussion about

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-23597681503816360302008-12-21T06:45:00.005-06:002008-12-27T21:20:33.790-06:00

Let's see if I can be more succinct this morning... got a little sleepWhat I need to do for myselfAs I was saying last nite; I have to change my self-talk. The things that I tell myself so that I don't eat. It's time to start thinking positively and not insult myself so many times throughout the day.I think the longevity of my previous blogs, or lack thereof, was a result of too much negativity

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-79362743819972945472008-12-21T00:51:00.003-06:002008-12-21T01:36:14.954-06:00

I kind of had an "ah-ha" moment tonite. You know (well, maybe you don't 'cos I don't have any of my yearly archived posts on this blog), but I have/had an eating disorder. It was "in remission" more or less, then I became addicted to narcotics. I have quit them, finally, and am doing well with that addiction for now.But now my ED is coming back, or I prefer to call it my disordered eating habits.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-70574615608493189502008-12-20T18:40:00.002-06:002008-12-20T18:43:08.919-06:00

Poo. Since Blogrolling was hacked some time ago, they still don't have it back up and running... I would like to add some links and get rid of a few, but I can't.Well, I'll figure something out, but I need to take a break for now. Have to bond with the hubby for a bit.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-88107573521965018792008-12-20T13:12:00.002-06:002008-12-20T13:19:41.568-06:00

I miss... being able to take my jeans out of the dryer and still be able to breath. sitting and curling up in a little ball - comfortably. baggy jeans no muffin top people telling me I'm too thinYup, seems that I have a little cross-addiction goin' on here... I can't stop eating carbs n' sweets! Well, kinda sorta. It's like once I have 1 little thing, that opens up the craving. ugh.And the fact

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-38199205266943163472008-11-10T00:33:00.002-06:002008-11-10T00:37:31.123-06:00

Lots of stuff has passed... good and bad. I'm actually very well. I have abandoned all drug use finally - not an issue - I have simply passed it on to eating or not. But it's still not something that bothers me all of the time. Things are actually pretty cool.Just wanted to peek in after visiting a few old blogs around here.:)xoxo

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-64345031474497356422008-09-07T22:02:00.001-05:002008-09-07T22:04:41.589-05:00

ah-ha! I found my way back in here. Had to try about a kazillion different passwords. Heaven knows I've had a handful of different sites, right? goofy.Ok, just testing.:)

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-11762956735397430082008-03-26T23:40:00.001-05:002008-09-07T22:05:45.084-05:00

Here I am again... I think I have a couple half-assed blogs scattered about the WWW. I need to merge all into one and start from there. I think.This one was rather major for awhile except that I used the actual url for my site. I have since taken that one down and decided to write in blogspot instead.Then there is the other half of the story... actually, it was the precursor to most of my

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-17298348744486838382007-06-23T13:50:00.001-05:002008-09-07T22:07:51.933-05:00

*2007*Sad, buggy, crawling out of my skin. Yes, all self-induced. I'll get through this.This too shall pass.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-73357147533312693502007-06-22T22:28:00.000-05:002007-06-22T22:29:00.495-05:00

Yes, hello...:)

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-1165765634169974682006-12-10T09:41:00.000-06:002006-12-10T09:47:14.180-06:00

I had posted a heads-up message on my "real" blog, but then decided in the wee hours to just shut it down. I'm sorry if that screwed you up. Everything is fine, just moving on.I needed to write everything down when I was in the depths of recovery, figuring it all out, and getting straight. That's not to say that I have it all figured out now, but I'm living it. Ups and downs, this and that...

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22262547.post-1139600553570141732006-02-10T13:40:00.001-06:002008-09-07T22:07:04.151-05:00

*Feb. 2006*all I really wanted to do was sign someone's comments, but I had to create a freakin' blog? Dude, I already have one... girl addicted.

tiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09371396776372448368noreply@blogger.com2